Some people consider me their 'go to' person when they need help. If I make a promise to someone, I keep it. Even if it is a ridiculous inconvenience to me, I will hold up my end of the bargain. I deliver.
However, there is one person in my life that repeatedly does not keep promises to me. She continually blows me off and it's getting on my nerves. I know she has the time, and I truly believe she has the best of intentions, but I am left holding the bag when things are left undone. It's a really sticky situation because you see, the person that keeps letting me down, is me.
I would never in a million years put anyone off like I do myself. Most days I am last on the long checklist of my own life. Seriously, I would not allow someone to treat me the way I do. That relationship would have ended long ago. Bitterly. There would have been words...bad ones.
I have a few projects that are lingering uncompleted, and hanging over my head. I want to pour myself into them, but instead I fuss with laundry and camp forms and pour a glass of wine instead.
For example, I have four writing projects started. However now they would have to be labeled: stalled projects. They are each exciting to me in their own regard, but for some reason I'm not letting myself get lost in them, or even visit them for a spell. So they sit, waiting to be worked on, tweaked, tinkered with and brought to life.
Don't get me wrong, I get stuff done. Housework? Check. Laundry? I'm on it. The grocery store is my bitch, and I can MacGyver a meal like nobody's business. Need help studying for a 6th grade Egypt final? Call me. Help with 4th grade math? I'll call a tutor. Thoughtfully selected gifts are my specialty, mostly purchased way in advance. I'm organized. I plan. So you can see that I'm not your traditional, one size fits all slacker. I don't slack where others are concerned, just where I am.
So why is it that I have such a hard time keeping promises I make to myself?
This has been on my radar for a while now. So much so, that for Lent, I gave up procrastination. It was awesome. I was productive. And for me, productivity = satisfaction. So by my calculations, I should have felt the afterglow of having my To Do list constantly checked off. But that wasn't the case. I waited for the feeling of accomplishment to wash over me. But there were no Zen moments, no Hallelujah Chorus or any fanfare whatsoever.
Guess what? My calculations were off. Way off. Just getting stuff done is NOT the secret to life's happiness. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Life is a journey, not a destination." I've heard this a million times...we all have. But I've been so busy with my head down, in check off mode, that I have been missing the journey. I bet I'm in good company too. The prize my eye has been on is the destination, which in my case has been a successfully checked off, stupid list. Sadly, this mentality has crossed over to the creative part of my life, and that's why, I think, MY stuff goes undone. The stuff that gets my juices flowing, like writing and...simply creating. I have turned these outlets into chores to check off on my To Do List. And we all know, chores suck.
Bottom line...I don't hold myself accountable the way I should. I am overly generous in the grace giving department when it comes to me. Didn't get to any writing today? Ah, don't worry about it. You were busy. No time to read a daily devotional or slap some words in a journal? No worries, no harm, no foul. I let myself off the hook WAY too easy. And I really believe this behavior holds me back...why would I hold myself back? Fear of failure? Fear of success?
Ugly truth? Maybe a little of both. Nobody wants to look like a loser, to come up short with an audience of our peers. And the pressure to maintain success, well that's a heavy load. Because if it isn't maintained, it's back to loserville. And people can be really judgey about other people's business.
So what's the secret sauce to letting myself enjoy my passions? A few months ago I would have said, organization is the answer. If my house is clean and all my 'chores' are complete, THEN I can really dig into writing or doing those right-brained activities that fill my tanks. If I stay on top of things, I will create more time to create, right? WRONG. How did I get to the point where running my vacuum takes precedence over my passions? I have it all wrong, but I think I can hit the re-set button and turn this thing around.
I read something recently that basically said, intention is great, but without execution, it is pointless. A lightbulb went off in my head when I saw this. But I proved to myself with my Lenten procrastination experiment that intention and execution alone, don't provide the satisfaction that I thought it would. There has to be more.
intention + surrender + execution = satisfaction
So I need to be purposeful in my intention when it comes to my creativity. I can't treat it like a chore or squeeze it in between orthodontist appointments and running carpool. I need to carve out respectable amounts of time to let the ideas and words flow without pressure. And during those times I need to surrender to the moment and not feel guilty about spending time doing something that I love. Surrender is the secret sauce. I think this formula will lead to me truly getting things accomplished...not boring To Do List items, but real goals. Will I write the great American novel? Doubtful. But this great American will be fulfilled.
So the dog hair tumbleweeds, dust and dirty dishes can wait. I have a promise to keep and there's this really awesome chick I can't let down. Huh, there it went...the Hallelujah Chorus.
xo,
abby
However, there is one person in my life that repeatedly does not keep promises to me. She continually blows me off and it's getting on my nerves. I know she has the time, and I truly believe she has the best of intentions, but I am left holding the bag when things are left undone. It's a really sticky situation because you see, the person that keeps letting me down, is me.
I would never in a million years put anyone off like I do myself. Most days I am last on the long checklist of my own life. Seriously, I would not allow someone to treat me the way I do. That relationship would have ended long ago. Bitterly. There would have been words...bad ones.
I have a few projects that are lingering uncompleted, and hanging over my head. I want to pour myself into them, but instead I fuss with laundry and camp forms and pour a glass of wine instead.
For example, I have four writing projects started. However now they would have to be labeled: stalled projects. They are each exciting to me in their own regard, but for some reason I'm not letting myself get lost in them, or even visit them for a spell. So they sit, waiting to be worked on, tweaked, tinkered with and brought to life.
Don't get me wrong, I get stuff done. Housework? Check. Laundry? I'm on it. The grocery store is my bitch, and I can MacGyver a meal like nobody's business. Need help studying for a 6th grade Egypt final? Call me. Help with 4th grade math? I'll call a tutor. Thoughtfully selected gifts are my specialty, mostly purchased way in advance. I'm organized. I plan. So you can see that I'm not your traditional, one size fits all slacker. I don't slack where others are concerned, just where I am.
So why is it that I have such a hard time keeping promises I make to myself?
This has been on my radar for a while now. So much so, that for Lent, I gave up procrastination. It was awesome. I was productive. And for me, productivity = satisfaction. So by my calculations, I should have felt the afterglow of having my To Do list constantly checked off. But that wasn't the case. I waited for the feeling of accomplishment to wash over me. But there were no Zen moments, no Hallelujah Chorus or any fanfare whatsoever.
Guess what? My calculations were off. Way off. Just getting stuff done is NOT the secret to life's happiness. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Life is a journey, not a destination." I've heard this a million times...we all have. But I've been so busy with my head down, in check off mode, that I have been missing the journey. I bet I'm in good company too. The prize my eye has been on is the destination, which in my case has been a successfully checked off, stupid list. Sadly, this mentality has crossed over to the creative part of my life, and that's why, I think, MY stuff goes undone. The stuff that gets my juices flowing, like writing and...simply creating. I have turned these outlets into chores to check off on my To Do List. And we all know, chores suck.
Bottom line...I don't hold myself accountable the way I should. I am overly generous in the grace giving department when it comes to me. Didn't get to any writing today? Ah, don't worry about it. You were busy. No time to read a daily devotional or slap some words in a journal? No worries, no harm, no foul. I let myself off the hook WAY too easy. And I really believe this behavior holds me back...why would I hold myself back? Fear of failure? Fear of success?
Ugly truth? Maybe a little of both. Nobody wants to look like a loser, to come up short with an audience of our peers. And the pressure to maintain success, well that's a heavy load. Because if it isn't maintained, it's back to loserville. And people can be really judgey about other people's business.
So what's the secret sauce to letting myself enjoy my passions? A few months ago I would have said, organization is the answer. If my house is clean and all my 'chores' are complete, THEN I can really dig into writing or doing those right-brained activities that fill my tanks. If I stay on top of things, I will create more time to create, right? WRONG. How did I get to the point where running my vacuum takes precedence over my passions? I have it all wrong, but I think I can hit the re-set button and turn this thing around.
I read something recently that basically said, intention is great, but without execution, it is pointless. A lightbulb went off in my head when I saw this. But I proved to myself with my Lenten procrastination experiment that intention and execution alone, don't provide the satisfaction that I thought it would. There has to be more.
intention + surrender + execution = satisfaction
So I need to be purposeful in my intention when it comes to my creativity. I can't treat it like a chore or squeeze it in between orthodontist appointments and running carpool. I need to carve out respectable amounts of time to let the ideas and words flow without pressure. And during those times I need to surrender to the moment and not feel guilty about spending time doing something that I love. Surrender is the secret sauce. I think this formula will lead to me truly getting things accomplished...not boring To Do List items, but real goals. Will I write the great American novel? Doubtful. But this great American will be fulfilled.
So the dog hair tumbleweeds, dust and dirty dishes can wait. I have a promise to keep and there's this really awesome chick I can't let down. Huh, there it went...the Hallelujah Chorus.
xo,
abby
RSS Feed